journal
Friday, July 30, 2010, 7:59 am
#312Where did I go wrong?
I'm posting today because it is LuoZhiXiang's birthday! Today, I woke up later to take bus and listen to radio so that I can listen to 93.3 and the line "今天又有巨星生日了,他又会主持又会跳舞又会唱歌,祝罗志祥31岁生日快乐" :) Our minds are so powerful, for this line, and for today, my mind can be so positive and my heart so astonishingly big. Even though my nose is pretty active today, I feel "light" the moment I remind myself that today's his birthday! Power.
I grow to learn that some things in life which are meant to happen could not be stopped no matter how much efforts are injected into it. Then I suddenly understand what I have been trying so hard and tiring my tear glands continuously could not be prevented, and I guess the only thing I can do, is accept them, with a smile? I hope so.
I know dejavu will stop this time round because both you and me are different now, we will create new memories. I really do have faith in you and your choices, I know you wouldn't leave me behind catching breathlessly while you are running away. Sometimes I want to stop the pursuit because I don't think I'm worthy enough and I question myself for whether I made any mistakes which might increase this distance between us. But every time I look back and see how far all of our footsteps have carried us here, I know I will regret it if I really do stop right there. And your frequent looking backs and slowing down destroyed all insecurities instantly.
That's why, here I am, running. Running because of trust, running because of faith.
Last Friday on the bus home, for seriously the first time in my entire life, I cried so hard listening to 防盗锁 (by LZX) that I cannot even hide my tears by sleeping. Why are the lyrics so apt, they are like salt on all my open wounds suddenly and it's just fear flooding my entire mind. And heart.
琐是用来锁住最珍贵的东西.
终于领悟,我一直尝试锁的是你的心,所以你才会想逃.
所以我的心也被我反锁在内.
没有人能完完全全属于另一个人-
我不要锁住你的心了,只想锁住与你一起度过的分秒.
还有你扬起的嘴角,你的存在.
因为这对我来说,已经是很珍贵了.
Luozhixiang might not be the best singer, but some of his slow songs are really very moving. Sometimes it's really lucky that I have him as a source of happiness.
In Inception, the logic presented is that if you cannot remember the start of your dream, then you are most probably dreaming. What if I really cannot remember the start of my life? Does this means that my life has just been a dream?
What is reality?
It's when we are laughing back at all the memories we had together.