ONE WAY

Monday, March 22, 2010

#308

I've been on the brink, so don't let me disappear-

I finally realized the sense of urgency to post and update this blog before it just rots, or that I could not communicate my thoughts through this portal anymore.

Term 1 and March holidays and Graces are over! Generally, term 1 passes quite fast, even though I find myself slacking loads continuously also! Still, since it's only the start, it's not that bad. I mean like term2 has loads more things: block tests, SPA-s, concert`10, New York trip! :D Maybe I'm being pessimistic, but I'm really very scared that I will die this term ):

Graces talks are very sian, it's just a mass session of camwhore for nanyang girls! Anyway, after it I realized 美丽是要付出惨痛代价 and that 我还不习惯那样的我. I don't really like going to function dinners and eat with all those rules, and having to keep reminding myself to sit up straight/ open mouth properly! Haha, my napkin keep dropping onto the floor! D:

Luozhixiang is finally coming to Singapore for his concert! But it falls on 22nd may and I'll be in US already. D: D: 难道真的无缘与他碰面? D:

Oh yea, I went Singapore e-awards @ marina bay floating platform! It's quite enjoyable, because saw quite a few celebrities and singers, and I saw SHINee! (haha so many people jealous of this -.- ) Xiao gui looks quite shuai suddenly, and 林宥嘉's 说谎 live is damn good! 很催泪 D:

I'm actually quite scared of guzheng concert also D: When I'm in lower secondary, I always feel that I do not need to play that well since I have all the pro seniors to rely on! And I used to think I'm quite good, listening to music wise. =.= Like I thought I could pick out the dynamics all quite accurately and "feel" very well! So I once thought I play with lots of emotions! Especially concert`08. What a joke haha D: Now all the seniors gone.

Last friday's practice I was like the only part 2 in my area throughout the whole practice so I feel like I'm solo-ing and any mistakes made it's so apparent that I develop fear in playing any louder, seriously. And I 遥指 until my whole arm ache ): What's emotions D: No matter how much I feel inside, how to transpose this feeling to my fingers when I can't even play properly now! My playing is so horrible now, but hopefully it'll get better! 这将是我最后一次站在秀梅大会堂的舞台上，concert的每一秒都是我在那舞台上的倒数. 我可以!

I'm filled with insecurities again! But I will learn to self talk myself out of everything, and maybe I should act more mature now and accept things because thing/ people might not be willing to change for me.

隔着一段距离，至少我还可以听到脉搏。

缩短的距离，我却害怕踩到之间的地雷。

有时希望自己是聋子，适当地相信别人的话语；

我可以借给你我的耳朵，请说。

我要听你说，能不能告诉我？

试试对镜子说，看我自己懂不懂.

Sorry, 我很害怕我听不懂!

化为一丝丝细雨，打在窗口上，然后在玻璃上画满伤痕.

Follow me, follow me, falalalala! ~