journal
Monday, December 14, 2009, 6:56 pm
#305The finishing line is diminishing.
I guess since December is the holidays month so I should post more to compensate for some of the months with missing posts.
Went to see a doctor for the first time this year. Being all sick, dizzy, having headache every second sort of stop me from thinking so much, because when I try using my brain it hurts so much. Every now and then, we are just waiting for something to replace as painkillers to get us through the night.
Hmm, actually most of the time when I type/ write stuff (esp. chinese) I sort of followed the conventional, meaning that words form in my mind before the emotions set in. Only for those precious 3% my emotions would form words in my mind.
Back from pri. school class chalet, what strikes me the most is that all of us have changed. 我们都长大了. And now when I look at the people I once spend so many years with previously, I feel that everything is different. That's why I suddenly don't know how to act in front of them. Superficial, yes.
然后在回家的地铁旅途中，我无法闭上双眼入眠，我想了很多。
“不要怪我没有跟你说真心话，它早已被我收藏在飞机划破天空的那一瞬间，只是你一直都听不到”
And then I finally figured out a reasonable explanation to the complicated emotions.
两个人的相识中间存在着一个火车轨道。每一站都有一盏闪烁的灯火，照亮漆黑的夜晚。然而我乘坐着火车迈向你内心的终点站，当路过每一站时，灯火会随着时间的脚步熄灭了。然后我发现越认识你，我的生命变得越来越黑暗。内心的怪兽开始在人生中肆无忌惮地散播孤独，体内的水分也增加，聪明地从人的心窗-眼睛流下，兴奋地想看看这新奇的世界。
我很怕，在这痛苦急速蔓延的火车里，我想要下车。
**
People say life is like a marathon, people who persevere would make it to the finishing line and people who give up will just be disqualified from the race of life.
What if my finishing line disappears? Then why am I still running?
#305