journal
Thursday, December 31, 2009, 6:01 am
#307
Last but not least -
I realized, no matter how hard everyone is promoting world peace and
save the earth, a day when no war and people stop killing trees is impossible. This is because in whatever idealistic thoughts we hold, there are loopholes everywhere for reality to attack, and soon everything will fall apart. So, I will not hope for such unrealistic stuff anymore. It's not that I do not believe in fairytale endings, it's just that I believe fairytale don't exists for us to use it as an excuse to cover up for our own stupidity. :)
With love, 2009
I suppose if a picture speaks a thousand words, this picture could speak a million :)
2009 passed ridiculously fast, I have so many "thank you" and "sorry" to say to everyone. But I guess my picture could do it for me right! While doing this I sort of think about the entire year again in my mind, and even though how crap it might have been, I should still be thankful that here am I, breathing, and typing.
As usual, thank you 301`09, 203`08, NYGZ, family, everyone. More or less, everyone contributed to this dynamic year.
My wish for the new year is simple. It's not that I want to aim to be happy, it's just that I hope I could treat myself and people around me better. Especially family. Even though things got kind of weird and awkward. We will pull through right. Or rather I will adapt right.
我希望明年我可以把自己的愿望星星送给关心我的人.
2009的死亡，象征着另一个诞生.
所以不管近年多么凄凉，它象征着温暖的到来.
要期待;
2010
I welcome you with open arms :)
Sunday, December 27, 2009, 4:33 am
#306If you ever feel like letting go,
I won't let you fall.
We're gonna see the world out, I'll hold you till the hurt is gone.
I went to read majority of my posts these days, and I do admit that my posts got super gloomy this year. Especially livejournal. Maybe its the excessive usage of Chinese. So hard to strike a balance, sigh. Like languages marks -.- So, I told myself, those kind of posting style is not exactly healthy. (to post and to read) Though I always stop to ponder how come I could write those chinese words that time. XP
Okay random statuses:
- Star movies is great today! Bedtime stories + XMEN2 :D
- R&R 65% done. (-.-)
- Food trail to end 2009 :)
Christmas always seems like so
me wake up call for me, like the fact that 2009 is ending finally hits me, then thoughts of secondary4 starts to flood my brains. GAH. Since secondary 1 till now, I always thought its so great that I'm not oldest and a sec4, no idea why but I always pity them. Haha, so next year I will pity myself. =.= and graces -.- and guzheng concert. -.- sec4 = most responsibilities. ):
Its not that I'm not a responsible person. It's just that I don't like being so responsible. Next year is filled with so many uncertainties, probably because this year ended vaguely too. It's so weird right, seeing your classmates after 2 months break, I don't know if anyone changed? Then blah blah happens, then blah blah blah develops, then all the craps start again. D: So sian, when you try to talk some sense but nobody listens. And I don't know why I bother to even care, it's not even my business. Quite stupid, I'm like exposing myself to lies attack, until the end of the day I'm the one who got the most number of scars and still embracing the attacks. Haha, if only I listen to my brain who should ignore the heart. D<
NEVERTHELESS, there's something to look forward to in 2010:D
My heart is calling out for me to pre-order to get the 80pages of photos of him in new york. But urgh. My financial status is kind of depressing.
Anyhow, SAVE MONEY$$ or -ahem-birthday-ahem-. HAHA!. wonder who reads this :)
Like luozhixiang for one year already! :D First anniversary XD
The grass is getting greener each day,
So we will make all the right moves,
together right?
Monday, December 14, 2009, 6:56 pm
#305The finishing line is diminishing.
I guess since December is the holidays month so I should post more to compensate for some of the months with missing posts.
Went to see a doctor for the first time this year. Being all sick, dizzy, having headache every second sort of stop me from thinking so much, because when I try using my brain it hurts so much. Every now and then, we are just waiting for something to replace as painkillers to get us through the night.
Hmm, actually most of the time when I type/ write stuff (esp. chinese) I sort of followed the conventional, meaning that words form in my mind before the emotions set in. Only for those precious 3% my emotions would form words in my mind.
Back from pri. school class chalet, what strikes me the most is that all of us have changed. 我们都长大了. And now when I look at the people I once spend so many years with previously, I feel that everything is different. That's why I suddenly don't know how to act in front of them. Superficial, yes.
然后在回家的地铁旅途中，我无法闭上双眼入眠，我想了很多。
“不要怪我没有跟你说真心话，它早已被我收藏在飞机划破天空的那一瞬间，只是你一直都听不到”
And then I finally figured out a reasonable explanation to the complicated emotions.
两个人的相识中间存在着一个火车轨道。每一站都有一盏闪烁的灯火，照亮漆黑的夜晚。然而我乘坐着火车迈向你内心的终点站，当路过每一站时，灯火会随着时间的脚步熄灭了。然后我发现越认识你，我的生命变得越来越黑暗。内心的怪兽开始在人生中肆无忌惮地散播孤独，体内的水分也增加，聪明地从人的心窗-眼睛流下，兴奋地想看看这新奇的世界。
我很怕，在这痛苦急速蔓延的火车里，我想要下车。
**
People say life is like a marathon, people who persevere would make it to the finishing line and people who give up will just be disqualified from the race of life.
What if my finishing line disappears? Then why am I still running?
Tuesday, December 01, 2009, 12:26 am
#304The edge of desire
This is supposedly november post which came late. Back from Taiwan but it's quite stupid to post about it when so many other people did on their blogs/ lj and you can see facebook spammed with pictures of crazy nanyang girls supposedly enjoying their stay overseas. It came strongly to me that all these photos and tagging are just trying to show the whole world how happy you are and how cool it is that you are in such an awesome trip. Realness?
S.H.E. 成功地锁住时间，让感动蔓延；我却丢失了时间的锁头，时间的嘲笑声持续在空气中蔓延。
五月天因为知足的快乐让他们能够忍受心痛；我却忍受了心痛，却从来不知足。
林宥嘉没有说谎，对他心爱的人他从来不用假装；我却对我最亲爱的人作出伪装，请告诉我这不是说谎，只是保护秘密的守护天使。
周杰伦没有理由也能自己走；我却是可怜的地球一直围绕着我的太阳，若我消失太阳还是会绕，因为太阳的光芒洒满在那么多星球上，我微不足道的存在只是稀薄的空气。
Tank因为受伤所以欣赏伤口的漂亮；我却一再为漂亮的伤口包扎却跌倒在伤口上，然后持续受伤。
林俊杰突然累了，因为已经撑着撑到麻了；我是渐渐地累了，因为撑着撑到伤口越刺痛着。
黄靖伦在在乎的人未来缺席就好像一本剧本未完待续；在乎的人却持续迟迟不肯出现在我的生命里。
罗志祥一直都会在第二顺位等着深爱的人；我却好像一直是你的第二顺位等待被降职。
张芸京跪着哭泣她无能为力；我却有着无穷的能力但你从不为我哭泣。
张韶涵再多的爱也不够，不够成为超完美伤口；我有很多的伤口却没有这么多的爱。
梁静茹的崇拜被挥霍了，所以他存在在爱人之外；我的崇拜也被挥霍了，我却还是存在在他人之存在。
张惠妹越爱谁，越防备，像只脆弱的刺猬；我越爱谁，越狼狈，像只破碎的玻璃杯。
苏打绿小时候的天真在他的心里长大；我却渐渐丧失童年的童真。
蔡依林终于看开爱回不来，两人面前太多阻碍；我遇到那么多阻碍，却一直期盼爱会转过头来。
“再给我两分钟，让我把记忆结成冰”
再给我多一点时间，让我把心酸融化为辛酸的回忆Because I acknowledge my insignificance, and going to taiwan only intensifies this inferior side. It's okay, it's just that I'm scared that you'll forget me.
但是有时候我宁愿你曾经忘记我，证明我在你生命里出现过。
然后再紧记我。不要抛弃我。依赖是阻碍？
#306
#305
#304