#299I have finally fulfilled my wish of going to the beach. It was great.
Falling down is always a painful experience for me. It seems like when I'm young, ignorance or innocence grab away my fears, the fear of falling, the fear of crying. As I grew up, with the sheding of these two elements, I developed many fears. To protect myself.
IRONY. Because something meant to protect me hurts me even more. Deep down inside.
To be frank, I am afraid of falling, I am afraid that my emotions will overwhelm me and I could not hold myself back. It's like controlling your emotion into a mine, only to wait for it to explode, and cause more destruction. I don't want that to happen! Because I don't want to hurt people around me just because I'm irresponsible with my own emotions.
URGH. Felt like a weak weak porcupine. I must learn to accept the fall, even though it cuts through my skin and need half a bottle of medicated oil to make the pain more torturous.
If I can survive this pain, I can survive anything, can't I?
I may not have find my inspiration and myself back at the beach yesterday, but the journey on the bike, the falling down because of thoughts drifting away, sitting under dripping water air con, going to see the sunset just to know that the sun sets in the west not the east, makes me feel, relaxed, very relaxed suddenly.
Life is like that right. Always on the move on the bike, and sometimes you find yourself at the bottom of everything suddenly, crying in pain because it actually hurts, feel the constant pressure dropping on you, and we may not always get what we want. Whatever happens, even if you have embarked on the wrong trail/ made the wrong decision afterall, what happened has happened. Just got to enjoy life like that.
Yea, I'm learning to enjoy life now.
Thank you yanchun and eleanor for the amazing day yesterday! :D
(Thank you so much also because you gave me a good reason to fight and never walk away)
&This is the reality and I know that I don't want to use photoshop layers to cover up all the flaws anymore. For once, the truth is amazingly beautiful.
#299
