journal
Saturday, June 27, 2009, 4:01 am
#299I have finally fulfilled my wish of going to the beach. It was great.
Falling down is always a painful experience for me. It seems like when I'm young, ignorance or innocence grab away my fears, the fear of falling, the fear of crying. As I grew up, with the sheding of these two elements, I developed many fears. To protect myself.
IRONY. Because something meant to protect me hurts me even more. Deep down inside.
To be frank, I am afraid of falling, I am afraid that my emotions will overwhelm me and I could not hold myself back. It's like controlling your emotion into a mine, only to wait for it to explode, and cause more destruction. I don't want that to happen! Because I don't want to hurt people around me just because I'm irresponsible with my own emotions.
URGH. Felt like a weak weak porcupine. I must learn to accept the fall, even though it cuts through my skin and need half a bottle of medicated oil to make the pain more torturous.
If I can survive this pain, I can survive anything, can't I?
I may not have find my inspiration and myself back at the beach yesterday, but the journey on the bike, the falling down because of thoughts drifting away, sitting under dripping water air con, going to see the sunset just to know that the sun sets in the west not the east, makes me feel, relaxed, very relaxed suddenly.
Life is like that right. Always on the move on the bike, and sometimes you find yourself at the bottom of everything suddenly, crying in pain because it actually hurts, feel the constant pressure dropping on you, and we may not always get what we want. Whatever happens, even if you have embarked on the wrong trail/ made the wrong decision afterall, what happened has happened. Just got to enjoy life like that.
Yea, I'm learning to enjoy life now.
Thank you yanchun and eleanor for the amazing day yesterday! :D
(Thank you so much also because you gave me a good reason to fight and never walk away)
&This is the reality and I know that I don't want to use photoshop layers to cover up all the flaws anymore. For once, the truth is amazingly beautiful.Tuesday, June 16, 2009, 3:17 am
#298seconds, hours, so many days.
What if my chances are already gone, started to believe that everything went wrong. But you gave me one good reason to fight and never walk away.
"Only when doing MRP, I could feel the long lost adrenaline rush sensation, and the accomplishment warming my heart."Every step I climb another mountain.
I will make it through the pain, weather the hurricane.
I can go higher. I can go deeper.
There are
no boundariesSo, here I am, still holding on.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009, 8:34 pm
#297caterpillar in the tree,
how you wonder who'll be
can't go far but you can always
dreamHey. Blogging in point form again. (:
1) Philosophical line: What doesn't kills you make you stronger.
No, my point of view is that events/ people/ stuff which does not kill you, will result in wounds which may or may not heal in time, leaving a scar behind. The main reason why we felt "stronger" in a sense afterwards, is we are just all
immune to this pain and we will have more protective layers. At the end of the day, or end of this life, what we are may just be like an onion, with many many protective layers built throughout the years of life, but we can't find anything inside. We have lost the last chance to feel again.
2) DISNEY HAPPINESS
What one thing which troubled me is that some superficial movie critics always complain on newspaper reviews on disney productions: "storyline and plot is expected" , "slapstick comedy", "only amuse young children", "another typical disney-movie", then with a 3 - 3.5 stars rating. I feel that disney is far too great for them to categorize. What disney represent is not "new movie stunts and plot" which will feed these bunch of reviewers and shut their mouths up, disney actually reprsents
dream, happy ever afters, hope, faith, childhood. Even though how cliche such storylines maybe, but what disney brings is laughter and the cheerfulness that can bright up one's day. Who are these bunch of reviewers to get the importance of disney.
gogo disney!:D
3) The Climb
life's a climb, but the view's great. It feels like I'm 10feet off the ground, but yet 10 feet up more to climb. I'm just hanging there, unable to progress, and yet there's a possibility that somebody will come and cut my string. Is it too late to apologize? I need to get my drive back. I need to get my motivation back. I need to get everything back. I feel like a walking, living hollow shell. Just, many many protective layers.
Bright side, tomorrow's playmax(:
我要去海边! 我要去海边! 我要去海边!
找回最初的感动，找回最初的自我。
你愿意陪我去海边走一走吗?
#299
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