journal
Friday, February 02, 2007, 3:22 pm
wherehave my 'promise' went? all the no use feeling regretful. are all of them craps? i feel that. i suddenly feel so fragile, nobody to lean on. who would agree with me? have i made the right choice? or have MY PARENTS make the right choice? i'm still feeling regretful, and i must admit myself. whenever i saw a dunmanian now, i would feel all the emotions coming back-admirie, dream, regrets. i know this should be impossible since i went to a school with academically and cca-lly better then dunman. but i object dont i? if i choose a school by all these criteria, i would have been in RGS now. it's not that i cannt get in, it's like easy peasey to go RGS, but i object this school far since before i take psle. dosent that ring a bell to my parents? i'm not saying nygh n rgs not good, but i just dont have the feeling towards to it. the momment i stepped into dunman, i could feel the warmth, even though it might not be that big as nygh then. but i could feel the warmth. don't people oftenly say school is one's second home? but does nygh feel like home to me. sorry, i just can't feel it. in dunman? yea, i could feel myself being happy, only i know my feelings right? people tell me not to regret, there's so many people fighting to get into nygh, yet i'm now wanting to give up this place, but i just can't help it, dont i? im feleing really down these days, i really cant stand the pain. please, someone please save me from all these pains through the regrets. i enjoyed being with my friend in nygh, but when i walk around nygh, itz natural that i feel im in a part of the competition, PRESSURE n STRESS. and i didn't really do very well for my assignments this week, which makes me feel even more bad, i dont know what to say and feel anymore. i just wish not to see any people from dunman again, but amanda's my friend. how can i escape it? if time would go back, i would make another choice. i would not let people manipulate my life, instead control my own. there's no turning back now. no turning back. nobody can save me out of this expect myself. but here i am, pleading someone would rescue me. i'm feeling so retarded and lost now. i could gove up everything ti study in dunman. i mean it. i could sacrifice my TV, or if needed, computer or laptop. i just want to breakaway don't i? can you feel my pain, no you cant. imagine, i'm once a dunmanian for about 3 to 4 months, yet i let my parents halp me appeal to nygh, am i out of my mind? i shouldnt have let that momment just slipped off. if i press on with my decision, maybe today i would not be posting this, instead be going to post about something i enjoy maybe. or things with amanda. i want this kind of life. not the life i'm leading now. i'm sad alright? i could cry now, okay? believe me won't you. i would not cry over little things, but this is not 'little' this is BIG. if ever time would go back, i will make my life different. IF ONLY TIME CAN GO BACKK
mischellaneous
archives
Aftermath
Finally did up another blogskin after (really) almost 4 years.
And this skin alone takes me months since I began working on it.
Conceptualize/ get inspiration to format to consolidate to simplify to coding to trial and error to specific styles...
It's such a long process that it even makes me wonder am I getting too old for doing all these things?
Looking back, I used to make skins like one per day in secondary one to per week or month in secondary two/ three.
Then, somehow, all my design interest or passion goes into fan-art or icons/ banners based.
I guess I have this inherent mentality that any layout based design will drain me out, and it still does.
Then again, it may not be that I'm getting too old for this, but instead
I've raised my expectations? Too perfectionist in other words.
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Anyhow, I'm very satisfied I guess!
The only pure long holidays I would have and I did not let it to go to waste!
With the years to come, I really don't think I would have the time and peaceful mind to revisit and revamp the whole layout design once more.
So, something to take with me to university and eventually work life next time :)
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有时候回忆很可怕，它让你看到你的曾经所以对未来有梦
只愿在慌乱之中，留下这一片虚拟的记忆和画面的潇洒
这一路的赞赏和欣慰，永远不会忘
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