#306

#305

#304
The edge of desire

This is supposedly november post which came late. Back from Taiwan but it's quite stupid to post about it when so many other people did on their blogs/ lj and you can see facebook spammed with pictures of crazy nanyang girls supposedly enjoying their stay overseas. It came strongly to me that all these photos and tagging are just trying to show the whole world how happy you are and how cool it is that you are in such an awesome trip. Realness?

S.H.E. 成功地锁住时间，让感动蔓延；我却丢失了时间的锁头，时间的嘲笑声持续在空气中蔓延。

五月天因为知足的快乐让他们能够忍受心痛；我却忍受了心痛，却从来不知足。

林宥嘉没有说谎，对他心爱的人他从来不用假装；我却对我最亲爱的人作出伪装，请告诉我这不是说谎，只是保护秘密的守护天使。

周杰伦没有理由也能自己走；我却是可怜的地球一直围绕着我的太阳，若我消失太阳还是会绕，因为太阳的光芒洒满在那么多星球上，我微不足道的存在只是稀薄的空气。

Tank因为受伤所以欣赏伤口的漂亮；我却一再为漂亮的伤口包扎却跌倒在伤口上，然后持续受伤。

林俊杰突然累了，因为已经撑着撑到麻了；我是渐渐地累了，因为撑着撑到伤口越刺痛着。

黄靖伦在在乎的人未来缺席就好像一本剧本未完待续；在乎的人却持续迟迟不肯出现在我的生命里。

罗志祥一直都会在第二顺位等着深爱的人；我却好像一直是你的第二顺位等待被降职。

张芸京跪着哭泣她无能为力；我却有着无穷的能力但你从不为我哭泣。

张韶涵再多的爱也不够，不够成为超完美伤口；我有很多的伤口却没有这么多的爱。

梁静茹的崇拜被挥霍了，所以他存在在爱人之外；我的崇拜也被挥霍了，我却还是存在在他人之存在。

张惠妹越爱谁，越防备，像只脆弱的刺猬；我越爱谁，越狼狈，像只破碎的玻璃杯。

苏打绿小时候的天真在他的心里长大；我却渐渐丧失童年的童真。

蔡依林终于看开爱回不来，两人面前太多阻碍；我遇到那么多阻碍，却一直期盼爱会转过头来。

“再给我两分钟，让我把记忆结成冰”
再给我多一点时间，让我把心酸融化为辛酸的回忆

Because I acknowledge my insignificance, and going to taiwan only intensifies this inferior side. It's okay, it's just that I'm scared that you'll forget me.

但是有时候我宁愿你曾经忘记我，证明我在你生命里出现过。
然后再紧记我。不要抛弃我。依赖是阻碍？

#303
one of us, one of them.

What does October stands for? Exams (-.-) and mei nv's getting-old-episode! How exciting!

DISCLAIMER: I'm a big fat liar ):
"Victoria is the most beautiful woman I ever witness in my entire life so far, every time I look her in her eyes, she took my breath away. Her straight, silky long hair and smooth skin makes her the diva of many. If you would like to be her guy, join in the queue! But do note, her suitors could orbit in the milkyway for a thousand of times!"



Happy birthday fat! (I know you love me right! :D )

Watching so many episodes of heroes, I grew to be very scared of what mankind has to offer. Ya right even though stuff like heroes and xmen are all just FICTION, but I seriously think it is just portraying the side of human which we fail to master the courage to face. There are people out there who are able to manipulate everything, people's actions; there are people out there who can heal as fast as they hurt and fail to feel anymore.

It's quite scary because everyone started using "Saving the world" as an excuse to explain all their unreasonable acts and doings which they claim to be politically and morally upright. Trying to act hero, huh?

I am never a hero, and I never will be one.

P.s. xintong hasn't contact me for days ): I hate getting my hopes up when I see inbox but failing to see what I want.

#302
the honesty's too much in this mad world

I'm going to make this post as interesting as possible. Do you trust my words?

To start off, looking out of my window and feeling the September breeze, I would share how you could describe friends in 9 numerical numbers.

Friends, is one big word to comprehend. Once upon a time, when we were both young, smiles blossomed on our faces, just like how flowers do in the garden backyard. We were sitting under the old oak tree, singing childish songs for one another, and when I count to five in the hide and seek game, I know where you will always be, the little corner where we hide all of our smiles away. Then I see us six years down the road in 7eleven, exclaiming how we have ate countless sandwiches together. That's when I know, I have 9 reasons why I love you as a friend. I hope you could see the reasons.

Secondly, here are 9 facts about me now!
1. I blog on monthly basis.
2. I always act deep XP
3. I own a livejournal and I forgot why.
4. I'm falling in love with a person online :D
5. I am very affected by what people say.
6. I watch disney channel from 4.30pm to 6pm every weekend:) (Hannah Montana, Suite Life, Jonas)
7. I hope I could cry now.
8. I want to meet luozhixiang.
9. I share a conversation with Fortune Teller Genius on Fb.

Yay whee, September breeze blows my holidays away so quickly~~ Haha, so excited to go back to school! Excited to face the harsh reality and expectations and people again!

"You need to find a motivation." Haha, the world is crazy.

#301

存在

扬起嘴角显示的笑容，
是掩饰心痛无法从容，
口是心非的用心良苦，
答复却这么如此残酷。

闭上眼睛听着音符，
试着让灵魂被驯服。
感觉自己踏出一步，
才发现自己在圆圈里打转-最终还是回到了原点。

存在在两人的背影里，
虽然我还有自知之明，
但是眼泪疾苦的挣扎，
退后是我最后的潇洒。

曾经被影响学会敢爱敢恨，
曾经被影响学会疗治伤痕，
曾经被影响学会笑容满面，
许多曾经如今已灰飞烟灭。

也许缘分已尽，
无法再次靠近。
故事结局怎样，
我还是不想讲。

ADD ON.
My life is so full of drama now. This is like a distant nightmare which I keep telling myself that is untrue. I hate myself to how I change and shape myself to fit into the mold available.

The laughing should stop. The tears should stop. The awkwardness should stop. The silent approach should stop. I don't think I have enough energy to approach anything anymore.

No, really I can never get over it. I should stop thinking that I could, I will, ONE DAY. Because it is true that I can be over it one day and the next day is all right back to where I start. I should stop comparing to last year, because life moves on.

I really hope I'm doing great salvaging the "to-be-lost". yeah right

DELETE ):

#300
deadlines. conclusions. closure.

为什么我最害怕的事都一一发生了?

I think I'm trying to salvage something broken, because I fear experiencing the feeling of losing something which I have been trying to hold on to for the whole time. Hope this won't slip through my fingers like sand.

I thought I always love Maths. Solving equations, feeling the thrill, and having the confidence that "I can do it!". I really don't want a day to come where I feel that it's a burden and I don't enjoy the learning process anymore.

Life's a cosine graph. Life's a linear graph. Life's a quadratic graph. Whatever it is, please give me some solutions.

SIGH. please assassinate me if I don't finish SMP Facebook Application by Sunday.

#299

I have finally fulfilled my wish of going to the beach. It was great.

Falling down is always a painful experience for me. It seems like when I'm young, ignorance or innocence grab away my fears, the fear of falling, the fear of crying. As I grew up, with the sheding of these two elements, I developed many fears. To protect myself.

IRONY. Because something meant to protect me hurts me even more. Deep down inside.

To be frank, I am afraid of falling, I am afraid that my emotions will overwhelm me and I could not hold myself back. It's like controlling your emotion into a mine, only to wait for it to explode, and cause more destruction. I don't want that to happen! Because I don't want to hurt people around me just because I'm irresponsible with my own emotions.

URGH. Felt like a weak weak porcupine. I must learn to accept the fall, even though it cuts through my skin and need half a bottle of medicated oil to make the pain more torturous.

If I can survive this pain, I can survive anything, can't I?

I may not have find my inspiration and myself back at the beach yesterday, but the journey on the bike, the falling down because of thoughts drifting away, sitting under dripping water air con, going to see the sunset just to know that the sun sets in the west not the east, makes me feel, relaxed, very relaxed suddenly.

Life is like that right. Always on the move on the bike, and sometimes you find yourself at the bottom of everything suddenly, crying in pain because it actually hurts, feel the constant pressure dropping on you, and we may not always get what we want. Whatever happens, even if you have embarked on the wrong trail/ made the wrong decision afterall, what happened has happened. Just got to enjoy life like that.

Yea, I'm learning to enjoy life now.
Thank you yanchun and eleanor for the amazing day yesterday! :D
(Thank you so much also because you gave me a good reason to fight and never walk away)






















&This is the reality and I know that I don't want to use photoshop layers to cover up all the flaws anymore. For once, the truth is amazingly beautiful.

#298
seconds, hours, so many days.
What if my chances are already gone, started to believe that everything went wrong. But you gave me one good reason to fight and never walk away.

"Only when doing MRP, I could feel the long lost adrenaline rush sensation, and the accomplishment warming my heart."

Every step I climb another mountain.
I will make it through the pain, weather the hurricane.

I can go higher. I can go deeper.
There are no boundaries

So, here I am, still holding on.